Goodbye letters: Pain that healed me: I am happy to say Goodbye
I am happy to say goodbye
“Women quickly recognizes the eyes of the loved ones”
“The touch of the loved ones is immediately recognized”
“The commitment of the loved ones is instantly believed”
But there was one woman who could not foresee the intentions of the devil entering in her life. The storm is still swirling around her and it’s the worst storm she has ever encountered in her life. The storm that lasted for 12 long years and still haunts her day and night. As they say, there is a karmic connection that was fated to meet and collide and trap the innocent heart with wicked lies.
She used to live in such a relaxed life and never believed in the presence of evil forces in this cruel world. She believed in fairy tales and she was always comforted by her family. She could never surmise the wickedness in people she would meet, blame it on her conservative nature as she always maintained distance from everybody around her. She was too shy to open up to anyone. The only dream she ever had was to have a family and be the best mother. But all dreams are not meant to be fulfilled. Some dreams are shattered and then you embrace the bitter reality of LIFE. Life will break you and then make you, yes make you a stronger person.
This is not a story of any woman who gave up, this is a tale of a woman who displayed faith in the devil for years. But unlike any other millions of women out there, now she is on her own and is proud of what she did and what she didn’t.
The pain that healed me! Some pain makes you strong some pain makes you weak. Before I share the story of my life I want to thank god for putting me through all this, I never knew how strong I can be. Life taught me a lot. I had my share of sorrow where my eyes would be numb as they moaned for the loss of a dream to have a family. A marriage that the society imposed on her, it was not the family that she once dreamed of.
When god keeps giving a signal to walk out of a dead marriage, What do we married women do? Shockingly and hopelessly, we still don’t walk out, we still hang on to the cruelty of the man who doesn’t deserve you and the family that you have nested for him
One of those thousands days that still haunts me every day.
The devil took away my son to his parents’ place in Calcutta, days passed by but he never returned.
By each passing day, I was waiting for my son to return. Every night I writhed myself to sleep, moaning my son’s name. Whenever I would ask the devil – When will I get to see my son? He would make implausible excuses to deepen the pain of being away from my son. The devil who was just a sperm donor and he wouldn’t understand the mother’s pain, who has single handed NURTURED her son day and night.
The mother’s heart was tired of waiting but the devil showed no mercy. When the endurance inside me gave up I rushed to the airport, I never anticipated the consequences of embarking towards a totally new city Calcutta. The devil rebuffed all my calls when I told her that I am coming to take my son. The devil was more apprehensive about the expense that I would incur on the tickets to go to Calcutta. Anyhow, I reached the Calcutta airport at 2.30 am and he reluctantly came to pick me up with my son.
He refused to even look at me to even say “Hi”. I wondered “Was he guilty of putting me through all this? ” or “Was he showing his toughness that I don’t give a shit about your presence?”. I grabbed my son into my arms with a sigh of relief and then he took me to a guest house, where he dumped me with my son. He didn’t even enter the room of the guest house and said I am going. He just left in seconds, and I glanced at the room thinking he must be lurking around and he will be back after getting some dinner for me. But he never returned that night, he went to his parents’ house while I and my son were in the guest house hoping just assuming he will pacify me but then I contemplated and realized that he will not realize his misdeeds.
I was in total disbelief that I am in a new city and my so-called legal husband dumped me in the guest house. I was living half dead woman who could not muster up strength and cried like a baby who was left on a lonely dark street by her own parents. I was tormented but somehow I made my son lie down while still struggling to give a fake smile to show as if everything was fine. After my son went to sleep, I felt as if I was locked in a suitcase hoping someone will come and rescue me. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, I was in trauma and literally I pinched myself wondering ” Is it a bad dream? or what?
Next morning, I had no penny to return back, I fumbled a few notes but it was not enough to even for a train ticket. I was dependent on the devil so I called him to book the ticket to go to Gurgaon, but I was instantly asked one question “Where are the property papers of the house that we mutually own?” The house that my father bought.
For days and days, he asked the same question and never stayed at the guest house. I was feeling like a second woman who is dumped in a room to be harassed so that he can extract whatever he can in the given situation. The guest house staff used to look down upon me as a second woman. I called his parents every day expecting they can instill some humanity in their son, but they never picked up the phone. It was not surprising because all the harassment ideas were coming from them. He kept insisting on that you book your own tickets as I will not pay the money for your ticket, knowing I don’t have the money and I will not share the misery with my aged parents.
I thought of contacting the police station but then I was perturbed about the aftermath of getting into a police complaint. We all know how the legal constitution work and how much it gets dragged. I didn’t want to take more leaves and desperately wanted to resume the job back in Gurgaon. I started having severe pain in my breast which when shared with him, he happily ridiculed the pain I was experiencing. He dismissed it by saying give the property paper and get the ticket in return. He forced me to call my parents to get the guest house money which I did. One fine morning I mustered up the strength to run away from the guest house with my son. I packed the breakfast which we received in the morning and asked for more, thinking what if I would lose whatever little money I have, then what will I give to my son. I whimpered silently and all my childhood days memories were flashing in front of me of how I was raised by my parents, how we cared for each other.
I was howling all through the time and was still in disbelief that how he abandoned a girl who picked him up from nothing and supported him all through his miseries. Who was dragging a dead relationship even after knowing the bitter reality that he was just a husband on paper? Who hid all his misgivings and pretended to the whole world that he is a nice man.
I had no money with me, I thought of trying my luck to ask if the ticket that he booked I can get the details from the station only. He messaged me where I am? and to his disbelief, I said at the railway station. I told him I will call my parents and will share everything and then he made an excuse that couldn’t afford the expense of the guest house so he said its better if you leave and he sent his parents to give the ticket. Later, the ticket dealer called him saying you need to accompany your family because you showed your id proof.
Thank god that I showed the courage to come to the station and threaten him that I will call my parents and disclose what all you put me through for so many days. Like any other Indian woman, I returned home and served him food. I still can’t believe how forgiving I had been for so many years. But today when I look back I have mixed feeling of never giving up to save the marriage for my son but then I found enough strength and sense to realize my worth. Most importantly, I don’t need a sperm donor father tag, you don’t become a DNA father. You become a father by being around and nurturing your child.
I so wish I had the audacity to call my parents to rescue me because the pain of being dumped and betrayed is so fresh in my heart, no forgiveness can heal that. Every night I could barely open my eyes with all the harassment that man has caused me. Every day my eyes would get tired and the layers of never-ending tears never stopped flowing. I would shrink my body with a closed fist and would feel like going under the bed as if I was surrounded by monsters around me who were laughing at my situation.
Being beaten to death would have been less painful than reliving the days that I encountered for 12 years. I completely lost my self-worth. I felt like a worthless piece of furniture. Like people say your body learns to heal itself, that’s what has been happening. The process of healing started when I realized my worth and the kind of woman I am. I value my existence and the strength comes from the fact that I will not give the power to the monster to be the decider of how I shape my life. It’s so true when people say “Whatever happens, happens for good” I thank god that I had the courage to lead a happy and fulfilling life.
Sample goodbye letter
Last day of closure I will always remember
This woman even pays the taxi money to her parents. ( Devil says ” My Honour ! I the devil will not even mention the monthly financial support that I have been providing to my parents which my legal wife never objected. In fact, once she even suggested to give more to them” But MY honour ” I object to Rs 500 she gives to her parents for taxi” And please don’t forget to mention that the parents come to take care of my son whenever he falls sick because My lord I am just a sperm donor father and never took responsibility of being available to the family at the time of need.
This women pays back the money which her parents spent on the house which they gifted us. ( My Lord ! I happily accept Dowry but never make it looks like a dowry! Why the hell the daughter objected to the house gifted to her at the time of marriage)
This woman don’t let me sleep and knocks the door at 5 am in the morning. ( 4 days in 4 months when I come to get a visa) As it was the room adjacent to the bathroom which is required in the morning in order to get ready for office and make my son get ready for school. My HONOUR I refuse to even open the door 4 times in 4 months even if my son misses his school. I am not bothered even if my legal wife would get scolding in the office. I am not here to make their life easier. I am here to get the visa so that I can again fly back and live a bachelor life.
On these ground, I choose to apply for mutual consent.